Think this T. rex is a scrooge? Maybe, but they do have some decidedly dino- and kid-friendly gift ideas.
When you’re 67 million years old, winter hits the bones different. I can feel the chill approaching in all 250 of my fossils (including my little wishbone) weeks before the first snowflake falls. And I hate it.
I’ve lived above ground in the Midwest since 1990, and every single day is colder than my life during the Cretaceous. I can hear you questioning now: But SUE, you were unearthed on August 12 in South Dakota—it’s like 80 degrees there.
You know what’s cold? NOT HAVING ANY FLESH. NOT LIVING DURING A PERIOD WHEN THE PLANET WAS ICE-FREE AND FORESTS EXTENDED TO THE POLES.
The other reason I loathe the coming winter is the holidays. It would be easy to stereotype one of the world’s most deadly predators as a Scrooge. Listen, I like the decorating and singing and festive guests coming to visit me. And the eating. OH HOW I LOVE THE EATING.
My problem with the holidays is the gift-giving. Particularly, how few I receive. So in the interest of benefiting from the change I wish to see, I’ve compiled this gift guide to assist you in your holiday shopping. AND BETTER SNAP TO IT, YOU’VE ONLY GOT A MONTH LEFT.
My apologies. The hanger strikes suddenly. I simply meant, you’d be advised to shop as soon as humanly possible.
SUE the T. rex
Gifts for the dino devotees in your life
Gifts for kids
Give a child a dinosaur toy and the kid will love it. Give a child a book about dinosaurs, and they will learn every dinosaur, then come to the Museum and correct you and all other adults incorrectly identifying fossils—and I will love it. Please buy your kids more dinosaur books. It brings me so much joy watching kids flex on adults.
Gifts with holiday spirit
I’m not one usually one for mammalian merriment, but I can recognize rock-solid decor when I see it. Throw the best holiday party in prehistory with these infused drinks and reptilian tableware.
Unique gifts
If anyone can appreciate a one-of-a-kind find—it’s me, the world’s ONE AND ONLY most complete T. rex. If ANYTHING could elevate my already iconic look, it’d be a science-inspired necklace hanging from my furcula.
Gifts inspired by ME
I give the gift of me to THOUSANDS of people every day. They can’t get enough. SUE shirts, SUE books, SUE replica claws —let’s be real, your shopping list can start and end here.
Gifts that inspire discovery
Didn’t listen to me? Still shopping? Fine. In the name of spreading holiday cheer, I ‘spose I can send a rec to Máximo by way of a kind of cute plush. Or this Parasaurolophus puzzle. MAYBE a nice Museum-y scented candle…BUT THAT’S IT.
